I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
