First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
