i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
