Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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