I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
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Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
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I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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