The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
