he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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