Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
