i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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