i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
