i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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