I feel like I'm in dance class right now
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
