Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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