If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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