oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
