ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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