Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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