im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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