Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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