I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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