I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
