In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
