please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so let's talk penis.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
