think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
