i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
