Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
