At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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