"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
