I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
