so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
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