I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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