i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
