i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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