I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
