She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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