I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
