Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Green mimosas i think yes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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