I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
