Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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