LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
