I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
