well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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