This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
