Duck Duck Cougar?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
