Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Two words: blizzard sex
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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