It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
