Where is the hickey?
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
