I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
