I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
