well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
