Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
