is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
babies were throwing up all over the place
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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