my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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