Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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