Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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