The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
This is classic penis vs brain.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
