what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
