I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
