Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
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sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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