you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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