I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
