i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
