ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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