i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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