Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
