I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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