Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
