How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
