you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
