I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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