do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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