tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
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I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
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I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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