That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
