I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
